Everyday feels so difficult. And a lot of times, I can't logic my way out of this misery I've been in so many times before.
Why is it so hard to believe in myself?
I started this year feeling hopeful but at the same time trying hard to push that voice in my head saying, "This won't last."
For a while, I was winning.
Then again and again, that voice was right. It won in the end.
I'm here again. I'm back to this hell hole of pretending that I got everything figured out.
I wish I could just give up sometimes. I wish I actually had the guts to fly away and leave everything that I've ever known. Become a stranger in an island.
I wish I wasn't to scared to face life. I wish wasn't too scared to throw away everything.
I'm stuck in the middle.
I'm stuck with me. The same old me. I'm getting sick of this. I've been sick of this for years.
What more should happen before I wake up and stop running away?
How many more wishes can I make before I see that nothings gonna happen here?
No one's coming for me. No one is gonna save me. And if I can't save myself, if I don't even try, I have to accept my fate.
Yet, I refuse to accept it.
I don't believe in myself yet I refuse to accept defeat.
I don't do anything, yet I want to get somewhere.
I don't make sense.