Does anyone else not care about a career?
I understand that I need to work. Given my circumstances and current skills, working is the easiest way for me to be able to have a house and pay the bills.
But I just don't care anymore what it is I do. I feel detached from my work. Nor do I actively want to feel passionate about it. I do like coding when it's my own side projects. But coding for work, I don't really. I just do it because it's what I could get paid for. I found out, passion is not necessary to do any jobs.
I find it weird because when I was still in school, especially in college, I always cared about my future and what I'd do. Finding out what my dream job would be was a big deal. Which caused a lot of stress when it felt so difficult to figure out. Back then, a dream job is a must. You have to know. And you can't settle for less.
I did get my dream job, as a web developer. At least, that's my college self's dream job. But when I started working, I quickly realized it was not really my dream. Or that a job can be a dream for me. I can't imagine doing just one thing for the rest of my life.
Now, when I think of dreams, I think of doing something without restrictions. Having the freedom to do what you want, wherever you want, however you want.
And that's definitely not a definition of a job.
A job means structure. A job means schedules. A job means asking permissions.
I can't care about something like that.
I can do it(force myself to do it, more like it) but not attach myself to it.
My dream is a state of being. Living with a sense of freedom, where I can be authentic, where I can make my own decisions for me. That for me is the dream part. It's a life, not a job.
And I want to make decisions that will support me to reach that state and not have to keep choosing things that take that away from me.
A job, a business, content creation?
I don't care what I do for as long as it can support me financially and give me space and time to do the things I enjoy.
I wanna live many different lives.
I want to try photography, diving, latte art, trekking, painting, game development, play in a band, make music, and many more I probably haven't discovered yet.
I want a life of exploration. Full of experiences.
It's not about the thing you're doing but how you feel while doing it, being it.
That's why I don't think a career is for me.
It feels too restricting.
I never cared about promotions at work. Sure, an increase in salary is very much welcomed. But being a team lead or any type of position where I have to make decisions for everyone is not appealing to me.
It's too much responsibility.
There's always that guilt and even shame from admitting that I do not want unnecessary responsibility.
We've been taught to believe that's just something you're just supposed to want. Going up. Having abbrevations after your name. Being a boss. But it's just not for me. I've thought of business too. But it's not because I want to be a boss. I don't want employees as much I don't want to be one. I believe that's more work than what I'm already doing.
I want fun. I want more hobbies. Less work.
I'm still looking for ways that I can make that happen and be able to sustain it.
At least for now, I have a better idea of what I want than years ago.