I had this moment when I realized that I was only living for work and I'm able to live because I have work. If I quit work right there and then, I will not be able to fund my life. Literally. My life depended on work.
And it's a mindfuck for me. Because I realized that while feeling like quitting everything, and thinking how long a sack of rice will last me if I lived in the jungle.
That's exactly what I imagined. Living somewhere far far away with just a sack of rice and a liter of soy sauce maybe? It sounds funny now. But it made perfect sense when I first thought of it. I felt desperate for some solution even in just my head.
What if I stripped me off of many things I get to have because of I have work, will I need work less then? Will I be less stressed then?
Will I want this life back?
Basically, living is exchanging stress to be able to continue living? Is that just life?
I can't die yet because then who will host all this misery?