About a week ago, I was feeling down, anxious and all but fine. I opened Facebook trying to look for some escape. It has this section for memories and I saw my story from exactly four years ago.
I clearly remember that time. It was a few months into quarantine. I was working at home, feeling stressed about my job, about the world, about everything. I'd never felt more stuck in life --- literally and figuratively.
I posted this while setting privacy to 'Only me'. I just needed to let it out some way.
I remember the dread I felt. I remember thinking once this pandemic is over, I can go somewhere. I'll travel. I would be able to run away from everything.
Four years later, I was reading that still feeling exactly the same.
A lot has changed in my life since then. There's no pandemic anymore. I have had a few trips. I moved out. I got a new job, quit that and got a new one.
Yet despite all that changes, here I am still.
I am still me.
I am still here.
It reminded me of the quote, "Wherever you go, there you are."
There's really no escaping this, is there?
I have my mind every single day of the year. No amount of going away and trying to escape will fix it.
Nothing can save me but myself alone.
A lot of times, I just find life to be difficult, and whenever that happens, I'd be scrambling to look for the exit.
I realized that unless I change something -- about me, my life or just something -- I can go another four years or ten and the answer to my question would always be yes.