There's only two days left before 2025! Two days!
I thought it might be a good time to think back to the past year.
It feels too fast. A lot of things has happened and too little at the same time.
As much as possible, I really try to be positive. But in all honesty, when I say the time flew too fast, negative things come to my mind first. I don't feel there was much progress for me. It felt too fast because the year was ending and I still feel like I'm at the start.
When I think hard about it now, what do I feel like I'm still at the start of anyways? It just feels like it, but I can't even explain it. Which makes no sense!
A few days ago, I listened to a podcast of Mel Robbins where she shared a few questions to review your year. What really stuck with me from that podcast was when she started, she looked over her camera roll to see the things she did over the year and to be reminded of the good and also the bad that can be improved.
So I'm gonna try that this year. I like the idea of having an actual proof of what happened this year. So maybe then, the feeling of always being at the start will make sense with some actual data.
Here are the questions:
- Describe the highlights from the past year
- What were some of the hardest parts this year?
- What did you learn about yourself this year?
- What are you going to stop doing in the next year?
- What are you going to start doing?
- What are you going to continue doing next year?
- What can you do to today to take that first step now that you have a set of directions?
1. Describe the highlights from the past year
I moved out actually last year, by the end of December 2023, but I will include it as the highlight because it was this year when I really settled in.
I've had 3 trips this year. Two with friends and one solo.
I bought a new guitar and a digital piano. I finally can memorize Canon in D in piano and learned a few fingerstyle songs in guitar. I've improved with playing by ear which was a surprise because I didn't intentionally learn it.
I learned to cook pasta.
I discovered new favorite songs and artists. I love Charlotte Sands, I discovered her end of 2023 too but listened to most her songs this year and I loved them all. I've been a fan of Taylor Acorn for a while and she released her first full album this year which I loved so much! I discoved new artists too like Knox, Rory, Hot Milk and more.
I got the apartment building cats to like me, I guess? haha.
I was able to track my spending this year, which I've been trying to do for years. I guess living alone helped with it.
2. What were some of the hardest parts this year?
I still feel anxious about work. I don't know, I never get over it. It seems like my personality. I get anxious and then would procrastinate and then feel more pressure when I'm late on things. But I never learn despite reading all kinds of things about it, despite knowing how it will end. I often fantasize about an alternate life where everything is calm and I don't have to work anymore.
I realized now that the reason I hate work is because I feel so restless and pressured all the time. When I think about it really hard, it's not scary at all. I know I can do my job logically. But I guess some parts inside me are working against me. Imposter syndrome maybe?
I just don't understand why I dread things that aren't logically scary. I do not like panicking and staying up late working and not sleeping right. I really struggle with things that involve other people and I don't know how to fix it. I would sometimes put my phone on airplane mode and then feel even more anxious because what if someone tried to contact me?
It's a tiring cycle.
3. What did you learn about yourself this year?
What I learned about myself is I struggle with things involving other people. As an introvert, I love being alone and enjoy my own company. But when it comes to work, I can't really escape people. I realized this year that that's the problem because I honestly got the job the way I wanted, and I thought that would fix the dread I feel about working. I work remotely and just sometimes go to the office. But even the very few times I do go to the office, I feel dread. It's ironic though because I can be productive when I'm surrounded by people. I work at coffee shops sometimes and I feel productive that way. But the office is just different. I feel overwhelmed and dread more than productive. I can work, but I really struggle with feeling okay. I feel too much pressure, I guess.
4. What are you going to stop doing in the next year?
I'm gonna stop putting off things. It's not just work, but I have personal projects I want to complete too.
I will stop ordering food online.
I will stop taking a loan. I have paid off my loans this year(which was what I paid for the deposit for the lease). I don't recommend it and I'm not going to take loans with interest next year.
5. What are you going to start doing?
I will save every time I get paid. I have so little savings this year, not even a month's worth of expense. Sometimes, I would save and then I will spend it on a big purchase, like my solo trip which was honestly an impulsive decision. I want to save more often even just a small amount. My goal is to reach 3 months worth of expenses by end of year at the very least.
I'm gonna start believing that I can do difficult things and trust that I have the resources and the capacity to make things work.
I'm gonna start really tackling procrastination. I'm sure it's the number one cause of my stress.
6. What are you going to continue doing next year?
I will continue to keep track of my expenses. It gives me peace of mind when I know my balance or how much I've spent on my credit card. It gives me feedback that I need to stop spending and wait out on purchases. I have started creating my own expense tracker app, and will continue to work on it next year.
7. What can you do to today to take that first step now that you have a set of directions?
I'm gonna clock in to work now so I can lose the agony.
I realized after doing this that I did have accomplishments this year. It's just difficult to remember sometimes.
There are also definitely failures. What I realized was I fail more when I avoid taking actions. Any form of action. I want to do better next year.
I'm going to try better at understanding myself, especially why I procrastinate a lot. Because when I try to imagine a life where I can make myself do anything without having those moments of hesitating and doubting and then avoiding everything, I think I can really do so much good in life, with my life.
I'm missing a lot of opportunities every time I say I'll do it later or tomorrow. Which never happens or happens even later and causes me too much stress.
I want to live a life that I actually like.